Hot Topic: The Power of Words! Slicing Through The Heart

 

By Atoke

I’ve had ZERO zeal to write this week! I complained to my friend, Tayo about this and he asked if I’d run out of people to visit. It was very funny because I actually glean ideas from things that happen around me, the people I visit and the places I go in Lagos. The truth is, living in Lagos is VERY interesting. I know it has been rated as being the 3rd least livable city and all but this city is a vault of information and education.


Every time I drive through Oshodi market I make a mental note to write about something but by the time I get to my desk and I face the mountain of work, I can’t remember what I want to write about. Most of the time, I find inspiration in the little things, the things people around me say or do. For instance, the way people start conversations around these parts is very interesting.

“You’re now fat oh! What have you been eating?”

Oh wow! I think I just got my mojo back! Let’s talk about how people find the need to comment on EVERY THING they see without thinking about the effect on the person they’re talking to. Have you ever wondered why people feel the need to constantly ask newly weds about pregnancy? At a family function some years ago, one of my cousins felt the need to ask my sister-in-law what they were waiting for? She poked her finger into her sides and said “You’re still doing SiSi! Time is going o!” The poor woman was more hurt than mortified when she told me about it. They had actually been trying, but it just hadn’t happened. I remember telling my mum to warn that cousin because it really wasn’t any of her business. Apparently, this is a cross many newly married women have to bear and it got me wondering “Who are these people who can’t mind their business?” Pregnancy isn’t something that can be hidden (at least not for long) so when it’s out you would see it. Do you really need to keep asking? Bearing in mind that you don’t have all the information at your disposal to make conclusive, definitive and unsolicited assertions!

Words have a way of hurting deeply. They cut deep down and slice right through your heart and many times when we say some things. When my friend shared an experience with me last year; she had a miscarriage and as she slowly dealt with the pain and turmoil that comes with that experience, she had to deal with people who constantly commented on her weight and her tummy. I wonder if it isn’t better to just say nothing if one has nothing uplifting or positive to say. I heard the story of someone who was driven precariously close to depression because she put on some weight after taking some pills which had been prescribed to regularize her cycle. Every body and their dog dispensed weight loss advice and this girl found herself slowly receding into her shell. She stopped going out, she slowly lost her self esteem and became a shadow of her old self.

Can you guys relate to this? Can you share your experiences of times when people have said something to you that have actually hurt? If you’ve said something to someone that you felt the need to say, can you share what made you do it and the response you got? If someone says something potentially hurtful or inappropriate to you do you smile it off, or do you promptly tell the person off?